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The Only Path is the One Behind You.

Can I get personal for a second?  

Failure is a big part of startup life, both as an opportunity and a challenge.  While we can anticipate a disproportionate amount of failure in starting up and investing in startups, it is still never easy.

Even as a mentor, advisor, and investor, I internalize the failures.  I re-live my actions, and I wonder “what if I” and “how might I have” or “if only I”.

Challenges were a theme for me personally this first quarter of 2024, and its forced me to step back and revisit some of the toolsets that we all need on our courageous and heroic paths. I’m dedicated to restarting quarter 2 with renewed thinking and an updated mindset.  

For those working to transform, you know that failure is part of the hero’s journey.  Here is some thinking I’m tapping back into to build back resilience.  

You are a hero; email me about your hero’s journey. I’d love to know if one of the tools below helped you or if there are others I should add to the list.

If you find it helpful, forward along to a friend.

Cheers,

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I can’t stop laughing over this image I found with my added commentary.

Hope you are laughing too!

Four Tools to Get Back on Track

Toolset 1: Back to the Mental Gym

This week I went back to the mental gym of meditation.  I call it the mental gym because it is not a spiritual practice — not for me, at least.  

Gym = Physical Strength

Meditation = Mental Strength

Neuroscience finds that meditation decreases activity in our “default-mode network” in the brain.  This is the area of the brain that turns on when we don’t have anything else more important to think about or concentrate on in the present.

And boy does our default-mode like to wander.    

Instead of staying it the present moment, it likes to wander quickly to thoughts about the past or future.  That usually leads to feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.  

Meditation helps individuals to become less reactive to negative thoughts or stressful events by:

1) Reducing the activity in this network so it doesn’t overwhelm us by turning on emotional responses and baggage.

2) Helping us realize that the default-mode network is actually turned on, and we don’t have to let it take over.

3) Helping snap us back into the present moment to what is actually happening, and to what we truly want to focus on.

With just 30 days of mediation training you can literally realize that:

1) The default-mode network turned on

2) This “brain” isn’t you

3) You have the power to choose - you don’t have to listen to it  

It is in this manner, we can enhance our ability to respond to situations with a clear and focused mind, rather than being overwhelmed by emotional reactions tied to past or future concerns that aren’t relevant to the ‘here and now’.  

It is a superpower that promotes a sense of calm and stability.  

Toolset 2: You own your past, it doesn’t own you

Speaking of your mind wandering to the past, what if it wandered to a better, happier past?

The key toolset here is knowing you have the power to own your past and then taking responsibility for how we see our past.  

You can grieve the losses of the past, or you can see value in the experience.  

You walk away empty, or you can create value from the experience.  

Detaching from negative past experience or loss means:

• Looking back on experience and expanding it into benefits — literally look for positive things you gained from the experience.

• Increasing the gratitude for the experience.

• Being genuinely glad it happened.

If you can have an empowered narrative of your past, you will realize that you are better off; that you’ve learned and grown as a result.  You will also realize that you are not your past, but the benefits you have gained from the past are uniquely your own and can never be taken away from you.

Detach from the past by saying:

• “My current self is free from my past.”

• “My future self is free from my past.”

• “My past is defined be me in the present.”

Master the art of reframing so you can own your past, rather than it owning you.

Toolset 3: Gratitude for the Present

Now that you have gratitude for the past, it’s time to get back to the present and to being grateful for:

• Who you are

• What you have become  

• The beautiful picture you have today

Instead of zooming in on the flawed person and events of the past, we need to zoom out to the bigger picture of the present and the big hero’s journey that each of us are on.  We must reframe the present outcome not as a destination, but as a waypoint on a courageous path.  

Is this the end of the road?  The end of the world? Nope.

If you can let go of the original beautiful picture you had, then you will be able to see the actual beautiful picture you have here today and be grateful for having this beautiful picture.

By connecting with the loss, we are robbing ourselves of the gain and the value of the present.  You have to let go of the past to be happy in the present with what you have.  

One exercise that Jimmy Kimmel uses is to look at a picture of him as a boy and say to that younger self: “We sure have come a long way.”

Toolset 4: Get Curious for What’s Next

With our new mental muscles, a reframed past, and us now living in a grateful present, we can now zoom further out to the big journey we are each on.  

Below is an excerpt from Rick Rubin’s new book, The Creative Act. It inspired my email and really does a great job reminding us to zoom out to the long road, and get curious for what’s going to happen next because tough times will not last.  

This toolset to zoom out can give us all hope after set backs to curiously anticipate a better future.  

———

“Consider detaching from the story of your life as it's happening. The manuscript of the novel you've worked on for years is lost in a fire. Your romantic relationship breaks up when you thought it was going well. You lose a job you care about.

”As hard as it may seem, seek to experience events like these as if you're watching a movie. You're observing a dramatic scene where the protagonist faces a seemingly insurmountable challenge. It's you, but it's not you.

”Instead of sinking into the pain of heartbreak or the stress of being laid off or the grief of loss, if practicing detachment the response might be: 'I wasn't expecting that plot twist. I wonder what's going to happen to our hero next.'

”There's always a next scene, and that next scene may be one of great beauty and fulfillment. The hard times were the required setup to allow these new possibilities to come into being. The outcome is not the outcome. The darkness is not an end point, nor is the daylight. They live in a continually unfolding, mutually dependent cycle. Neither is bad or good. They simply exist.

”This practice - of never assuming an experience you have is the whole story - will support you in a life of open possibility and equanimity. When we obsessively focus on these events, they may appear catastrophic. But they're just a small aspect of a larger life, and the further you zoom back, the smaller each experience becomes. Zoom in and obsess. Zoom out and observe. We get to choose.”

Chapter 1: Become the Monk

Speaking of about detaching from outcomes, the first chapter of my book with Al Pickett is entitled, Become the Monk.  In our book, You Are the Edge: Transform Yourself to Transform Your Trading and Life, we give a practical guide to personal development and growth that not only applies to those that trade, but really anyone looking for a change of being.  

We say, “Become the monk” because a monk like detachment helps us live in the present.  Greed, fear, hope, and regret are the robbers in life that we can avoid by becoming monk like.  

When you grab a copy of the book from Al’s website here, I’ll personally sign your copy with a special note addressed to you.

Learn more about this book and my others books here.

Learn More About My Coaching with a 30 Minute Meeting  (No Obligation)

Thank you for reading!  If you enjoyed this and you think someone else will, please forward this along to support their transformation. -Eric

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