The Pain of Not Changing

The Dog and the Nail

A man walks into a bar and notices a dog in the corner, whining and whimpering every so often. He asks the bartender, “What’s wrong with the dog?”

“Probably lying on that same nail,” the bartender says.

A few minutes later, after another whimper, the man asks, “Then why doesn’t he move?”

The bartender shrugs. “Guess it doesn’t hurt enough yet.”

Most people live like the dog. They know something’s wrong. They’re uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to act. As a result, they tolerate instead of transform.

We all have moments when we know something’s not right. We feel discomfort in our lives, while at the same time being all too aware of the power we possess to make things better. And yet, we keep going along without changing. We tolerate things because the perceived pain, doubt, and discomfort of transformation keeps us stuck. We tell ourselves that things aren’t bad enough to warrant a change. Our minds and our bodies, by choice, become our greatest weakness.

The pain of not changing has to be greater than the pain of change before most people finally move.

How to Break the Resistance

The smart move isn’t to wait for the breaking point. The smart move is to step forward before the cost of staying put grows too high. The question is: what step(s) can you take now, before the pain makes the choice for you?

Relieve yourself of the burden of knowing the whole path. You don’t need courage for the entire journey. You only need courage for the next step. Once you move, the road reveals itself.

Change your beliefs. What you believe about yourself either raises or lowers the ceiling on what you achieve. Small beliefs keep you small. Expand your thinking, and the horizon expands with it. Beliefs are self-fulfilling.

Accept the price. Your future self always comes at a cost. You pay with discipline or you pay with regret. One is pennies. The other is a fortune. The transaction is unavoidable; the only choice is which currency you’ll spend: regret or discipline. The choice is yours.

Pull the weeds before you plant the seeds. Growth requires clearing. Old habits, excuses, and false comforts must be stripped away before new roots can take hold. Strip away what weakens you, and the ground will be waiting for what strengthens you.

Confront the opponent in your head. Markets, rivals, and critics are tough. But the fiercest competitor is your own doubt. The inner battle has to be won. Win the inner battle, and everything else tilts in your favor.

Keep it simple. Most people seek comfort in making things more complex and building consensus, but that’s usually a stall tactic. Real progress strips things down to the essentials, moves quickly, and embraces the discomfort that comes with visible, decisive action.

You don’t try to go to the moon. You decide to go. The decision to move forward doesn’t change; only the path does. Don’t waste energy debating on whether to go. Put your focus into how to get there. The commitment is fixed, and all energy turns to how. Obstacles become part of the route, not reasons to stop.

Rewrite the past. The past is just a story you tell yourself. What matters isn’t what happened, but the interpretation you carry forward. Your story can be edited and retold. Don’t let yesterday’s script dictate tomorrow’s choices.

Why Telling People to Change Doesn’t Work Either

Change cannot be imposed; it must be chosen. 

People will defend their sense of control, even when they know a change would in fact help them. That’s why telling someone what they should do rarely works.

Pressuring someone to change breeds resistance, because it feels like control is being taken away. Even if the advice is right, the instinct is to push back, because nobody wants to feel like they’re sitting in the passenger seat of their own life.

But the moment a person says, “I want this,” the entire dynamic changes. Now it feels like a choice to the person, and they become the agent of their own change. In essence, they aren’t acting in compliance with someone else’s thoughts.

Agency is the difference between being pulled up versus deciding to stand up. Both create motion in the same direction, yet there are some key differences:

• Only one creates momentum.

• Only one converts struggle into strength.

• Only one sustains the energy to keep going when it gets hard.

• Only one turns effort into identity.

That’s why lasting change cannot be forced. It must be chosen.

Many of us are like the dog: lying on the nail, feeling the pain, while convincing ourselves it isn’t bad enough yet. We wait until the suffering grows sharper before we finally act.

But why wait for the pain of not changing to grow larger than the pain of change?

The price of excellence is the willingness to face pain and discomfort. Avoid the discomfort, and you avoid the growth. Chase ease, and you forfeit opportunity. That’s why so few reach their potential: they confuse comfort with success.

Comfort isn’t success. Comfort is the next nail.

So, what does your future self look like? And what step will you take this week to meet your future?

Let’s get after it.