Why No One Climbs Alone (And Why We Make It So Hard on Ourselves)

Three years ago, I was floundering with my fitness routine. Getting serious by seeking the help of a professional trainer wasn't even on my radar until friends started sharing what they'd accomplished with coaching.

Fast forward to two weeks ago: I deadlifted 465 pounds for three reps. Something that would have seemed absolutely impossible 3 years ago was suddenly attained. The difference after that lift wasn't the weight on the bar. It was getting to impress myself, while reinforcing that seeking a coach made it possible, and then wondering what else I could attain if I stepped out of comfort and got a coach.

The real breakthrough wasn't physical at all. It was realizing how much I'd been limiting myself by trying to climb alone.

The Eight Ways We Talk Ourselves Out of Getting Help

After working with hundreds of ambitious people (and doing my own deep work), I've noticed we all use remarkably similar excuses to avoid seeking help. See if any of these sound familiar:

Self-Concept Protection - "I'm the expert, the problem-solver, the one with answers." We tell ourselves that asking for help would undermine our reputation or prove we're not as capable as others think. (This was my personal favorite excuse.)

Comfort Seeking - We convince ourselves we don't need help because what we're doing is "good enough." Why risk the discomfort of change when our current approach feels safe, even if it's not getting us where we want to go?

Analysis Paralysis - We overthink the decision to get help. "What if I choose the wrong coach? What if it doesn't work? What if I'm not ready?" We demand perfect certainty before investing in ourselves, which never comes.

The Comparison Game - We look at others who seem to have it figured out and think, "They don't need help, so neither should I." Or we compare coaching prices and convince ourselves we can't afford what others can.

The Scarcity Mindset - We believe investing in help means less money for other things, or that good coaches are rare and probably unavailable to us. We hoard our resources instead of investing in our growth.

The Narrative Trap - We tell ourselves stories: "I'm not the type of person who needs a coach," or "I've always figured things out on my own." These outdated scripts keep us from evolving.

Social Pressure - We worry about what others will think if we admit we need help, combined with cultural messages that "real" successful people don't need support. We've absorbed the idea that independence equals strength and asking for help equals weakness or failure.

Trust Deficit - Past bad experiences with mentors, advisors, or coaches make us reluctant to try again. "What if they don't understand me? What if I get burned again?" We'd rather struggle alone than risk disappointment.

The Weight of Going It Alone

Here's what I learned in that gym: I wasn't just physically stronger because of my trainer's expertise. I was stronger because someone else believed in possibilities I couldn't see yet.

When I tried to deadlift 300 pounds on my own, my brain would whisper, "That's probably your limit." But when my trainer loaded 350 and said, "Let's see what you've got," something shifted. He wasn't guessing. He'd been watching my progress and knew I was ready for more than I believed possible. The weight didn't just move, my entire sense of what was possible moved with it.

When we try to climb alone, we're not just limiting our results. We're limiting our imagination.

The Permission to Impress Yourself

The most successful people I work with share one common trait: They've learned to impress themselves instead of just proving themselves to others. But here's the catch: impressing yourself requires help.

Not because you're not capable, but because the person closest to your limitations is you. You know exactly where your comfort zone ends. You've memorized the story of what you can and can't do. You need someone else to hand you heavier weights, both literal and metaphorical.

What Changes When You Stop Climbing Alone

Here's what happens when you finally ask for help:

You stop playing it safe and start impressing yourself. You stop making excuses and start making progress. You stop wondering "what if" and start finding out.

The question isn't whether you need help. The question is: What are you not attempting because you're trying to figure it out alone?

Your Next Climb

I'm opening up three spots for one-on-one coaching sessions (completely free) for the first three people who reply to this email or DM me directly. Or you can book up directly here:

We'll spend time together mapping out what your next level of growth looks like. No sales pitch, no agenda. It will just be an honest conversation about what's possible.

If you've been feeling stuck, playing small, or just sensing there's more available to you than you're currently accessing, let's talk.

The hardest person to convince is often yourself. But you don't have to do that convincing alone.

Reply to this email or send me a DM if you want one of those three spots. I'll get back to you within 24 hours.

And if you know someone who's been trying to climb alone, forward this to them. Sometimes the best help we can offer is showing someone they're not the only one who struggles with asking for it.